ACTUAL WINNER
Sully Prudhomme
Theodor Mommsen
Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson
Frédéric Mistral, José Echegaray
Henryk Sienkiewicz
Giosuè Carducci
Rudyard Kipling
Rudolf Eucken
Selma Lagerlöf
Paul Heyse
Maurice Maeterlinck
Gerhart Hauptmann
Rabindranath Tagore
Romain Rolland
Verner von Heidenstam
Karl Gjellerup, Henrik Pontoppidan
Carl Spitteler
Knut Hamsun
Anatole France
Jacinto Benavente
William Butler Yeats
Wladyslaw Reymont
George Bernard Shaw
Grazia Deledda
Henri Bergson
Sigrid Undset
Thomas Mann
Sinclair Lewis
Erik Axel Karlfeldt
John Galsworthy
Ivan Bunin
Luigi Pirandello
Eugene O'Neill
Roger Martin du Gard
Pearl Buck
Frans Eemil Sillanpää
Johannes V. Jensen
Gabriela Mistral
Hermann Hesse
André Gide
T.S. Eliot
William Faulkner
Bertrand Russell
Pär Lagerkvist
François Mauriac
Winston Churchill
Ernest Hemingway
Halldòr Laxness
Juan Ramón Jiménez
Albert Camus
Boris Pasternak
Salvatore Quasimodo
Saint-John Perse
Ivo Andric
John Steinbeck
Giorgios Seferis
Jean-Paul Sartre
Mikhail Sholokhov
Shmuel Yosef Agnon, Nelly Sachs
Miguel Angel Asturias
Yasunari Kawabata
Samuel Beckett
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Pablo Neruda
Heinrich Böll
Patrick White
Eyvind Johnson, Harry Martinson
Eugenio Montale
Saul Bellow
Vicente Aleixandre
Isaac Bashevis Singer
Odysseus Elytis
Czeslaw Milosz
Elias Canetti
Gabriel García Márquez
William Golding
Jaroslav Seifert
Claude Simon
Wole Soyinka
Joseph Brodsky
Naguib Mahfouz
Camilo José Cela
Octavio Paz
Nadine Gordimer
Derek Walcott
Toni Morrison
Kenzaburo Oe
Seamus Heaney
Wislawa Szymborska
Dario Fo
José Saramago
Günter Grass
Gao Xingjian
V. S. Naipaul
Imre Kertész
J. M. Coetzee
Elfriede Jelinek
Harold Pinter
Orhan Pamuk
Doris Lessing
Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clezio
by Ted Gioia
Note: In 2007, I wrote an article on what the Nobel Prize in Literature might
look like in an alternative universe. This little piece generated a surprising
amount of discussion and debate (see original article here).
The premise was simple. As I wrote then: "Imagine a world in which such
honors are exempt from pettiness, politics and tokenism. Imagine a Nobel
Prize in which the contributions of Proust, Kafka, Nabokov and Joyce are not
forgotten. Imagine a Nobel Prize in Literature in which genre writers have a
chance. Imagine a Nobel Prize in Literature that doesn't bend over backward to
exclude native born U.S. writers (only three honored during the last 52 years!)."
These words seem even more relevant to me now than they did a year ago.
But no matter how bad the Nobel decisions might look, at least I have my
alternative universe.
ALT-REALITY NOBEL PRIZE IN LITERATURE
AWARDED TO . . . AN AMERICAN NOVELIST!
The judges at the Swedish Academy are smarter than you
think. They really out-did themselves this year by
orchestrating a clever disinformation campaign attacking all
American novelists across the board (that was a giveaway
right then, my friends)—then they turn around and give the
award to Don DeLillo. They are a sly bunch!
Of course, I saw it coming all along.
Secretary of the Swedish Academy
Horace Engdahl may have fooled
everyone else, but when I heard his
recent rant on the broad-mindedness
and lack of insularity of European
culture, I knew immediately that this
was comedy and performance art of
the highest quality. After all, a recent
survey to pick the best Swedish
works of fiction of all time had Pippi
Longstocking in fourth place. Say no
more. We don't even need to get into
the topic of Mohammed and newspaper
cartoons.
You have to give Engdahl credit for keeping a straight face
even while he performed his little skit. He is a real wit and
knows how to pull your leg—sort of the Borat of serious
literature. Yet it’s amazing how many people took the bait.
Some folks were even predicting the award would go to Jean-
Marie Gustave Le Clezio of France—as a way of demonstrating
the Academy's commitment to anti-insularity. Huh? That
would be like going to Alaska to find a running mate . . .
DeLillo is a brilliant choice. In a few days, he will turn 72, and
he has written fifteen novels, including classics such as White
Noise and Underworld. No contemporary writer has a better
feel for dialogue or is less . . . well, insular. His critique of the
banality and dehumanization of American life is much more
incisive and interesting than anything you will hear in the
hallowed halls of the Svenska Akademien.
I know I should be celebrating the event, but I can’t help
wondering what the Swedish Academy has in store next year.
How can they top this one, with its real-life meta-fiction angles.
Fool me once, Mr. Engdahl, shame on you. Fool me twice,
shame on me.
* * * *
Below is a complete list of past winners of the Nobel Prize in
Literature from an alternative universe.

"Writers, unlike most people, tell their best
lies when they are alone."
Michael Chabon
"I have always imagined that Paradise will be
a kind of library."
Jorge Luis Borges
Make no mistake, those who write long books
have nothing to say. Of course those who
write short books have even less to say."
Mark Danielewski
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best
friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
"Never judge a book by its movie."
J.W. Eagan
Great Books Guide
The Nobel Prize in Literature from
an Alternative Universe (2008)
Don DeLillo
YEAR
1901
1902
1903
1904
1905
1906
1907
1908
1909
1910
1911
1912
1913
1915
1916
1917
1919
1920
1921
1922
1923
1924
1925
1926
1927
1928
1929
1930
1931
1932
1933
1934
1936
1937
1938
1939
1944
1945
1946
1947
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1949
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1951
1952
1953
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1957
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1960
1961
1962
1963
1964
1965
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1967
1968
1969
1970
1971
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1974
1975
1976
1977
1978
1979
1980
1981
1982
1983
1984
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1986
1987
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1990
1991
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1999
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2003
2004
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2007
2008
ALTERNATIVE REALITY WINNER
Leo Tolstoy
George Meredith
Anton Chekhov
Jules Verne
Henrik Ibsen
Mark Twain
Rudyard Kipling
John Millington Synge
August Strindberg
W.S. Gilbert
Henry James
William Dean Howells
Georg Trakl
Guillaume Apollinaire
Sigmund Freud
Joseph Conrad
Thomas Hardy
Rainer Maria Rilke
Marcel Proust
Franz Kafka
William Butler Yeats
Miguel de Unamuno
George Bernard Shaw
Arthur Conan Doyle
Constantine P. Cavafy
Edith Wharton
Thomas Mann
F. Scott Fitzgerald
G. K. Chesterton
Zane Grey
Stefan Zweig
Luigi Pirandello
Eugene O'Neill
James Joyce
Virginia Woolf
Robert Musil
W. H. Auden
George Orwell
Hermann Broch
André Gide
T.S. Eliot
William Faulkner
Ludwig Wittgenstein
Dorothy Parker
Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa
Wallace Stevens
Ernest Hemingway
Bertolt Brecht
Raymond Chandler
Albert Camus
E. M. Forster
Cole Porter
Ian Fleming
William Carlos Willaims
John Steinbeck
Giorgios Seferis
Jean-Paul Sartre
Jack Kerouac
Agatha Christie, Jorge Luis Borges
Vladimir Nabokov
Yukio Mishima
Samuel Beckett
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Pablo Neruda
J.R.R. Tolkein
Lionel Trilling
John Lennon, Paul McCartney
Eugenio Montale
Saul Bellow
Tennessee Williams
Isaac Bashevis Singer
Philip K. Dick
Czeslaw Milosz
Elias Canetti
Gabriel García Márquez
Graham Greene
Italo Calvino
Philip Larkin
Eugene Ionesco
Ray Bradbury, Robert Heinlein
Salman Rushdie
Theodor Seuss Geisel
Octavio Paz
Muriel Spark
Bob Dylan
Ralph Ellison
Stephen Sondheim
Isaiah Berlin
Stanisław Lem
Hunter Thompson
Roberto Bolaño
Tom Stoppard
Haruki Murakami
V. S. Naipaul
John le Carré
Mario Vargas Llosa
John Updike
Milan Kundera
Philip Roth
J.K. Rowling
Don DeLillo